Going home
by samanddianefan10
Summary: AU. When Hawkeye is discharged from the army, you'd think he'd be a happy man, right? But going home on a hardship discharge is never easy, especially for a son who idolized his father. Can his friends be there from a million miles away, or will he have to go through this on his own?
1. Chapter 1

Hawkeye was joking around with the nurses in the mess hall when a solemn Potter walked in. "Pierce, my office, pronto."

"Has anyone ever told you you're quite the buzz kill?"

"NOW!"

Hawkeye looked around awkwardly and with his tail tucked between his legs he followed the colonel to his office.

"What's going on? You caught me on a good day. Had two, possibly three dates lined up for the night."

"Hawkeye, sit down. You're going to hate me for what I'm about to say. Here have some scotch. I think you'll need it."

Hawkeye was now curious as to what had happened for the colonel to act like this. "Is this some kind of joke? I have to say your timing is mighty bad."

"Son," Potter started. When it started off like that then Hawkeye knew that Potter was serious.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

"Am I going home?" Hawkeye asked hopefully.

"As a matter of fact, you are."

Hawkeye jumped up and down, nearly spilling both of their drinks in the process.

"Sit down, son. Don't you want to know the reason you're going home?"

"Not particularly. And if you ask me if I care what the reason the answer will be the same."

"Son, there's no easy way to break this to you. Do you remember the reason Radar left?"

"Yeah, the lucky dog..."

"Do you call a hardship discharge lucky?"

Suddenly serious, it was starting to sink in what Potter was trying to tell him. "Are you trying to say that I'm also leaving on a hardship discharge?"

With tears in his eyes, Potter nodded.

No more words were spoken. None were needed. Hawkeye knew what this meant...he was needed at home. His father was gone, and for the first time in his life, he was speechless.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

As Hawkeye packed his belongings, he flipped through his collection of magazines that he'd amassed during the time he'd been at Korea. Suddenly Nude Volleyball didn't seem so interesting. He tossed them onto Charles' bunk and then kept on going.

A hat. One of Henry's hats. There was no way he was leaving Korea without that. There was a photo of he and Trapper. As much as he was angry with Trapper he knew he couldn't leave that behind. B.J...it suddenly dawned on Hawkeye that he didn't have anything that belonged to his best friend.

He started angrily tossing through his stuff, desperate to find one thing that would remind him of the cheesy mustached friend. Finally he found a drawing that Erin had made for him. Apparently B.J. Talked way too much about Hawkeye.

Speaking of the devil, where was B.J. Anyways? He looked around, suddenly very afraid he'd have to pull a Trapper on him. His jeep had arrived and the plane taking off would be leaving soon...very soon.

He refused to end things this way, so he scribbled a thank you on the back of Erin's letter and left it on BJ's bunk. This was not the way things were supposed to be.

Oooo

Once he was safely in the plane all sorts of thoughts came to his mind, namely Henry. It was as if the thought of going home to face life without Daniel Pierce was too unbearable, so his mind was working overtime to not think about it.

But it was a long plane ride so time was all he had. Dead. His father was really and truly dead. This blasted war...he'd never gotten a chance to tell his dad just how much he meant to him. War was hell, and whoever coined the phrase deserved a special place in history. They had no idea just how much of a hell Korea was, especially for Hawkeye.

True he hid behind the jokes, the drinking and the nurses. But even Hawkeye knew there was more to life than that. Obviously he wasn't going to find the meaning of life in Korea, where life was no guarantee. But what had he learned from the police action? Anything? Something?

No, nothing made sense, and for the first time since joining the army he wished he were headed anywhere but home.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Once at home in his own room on his own bed, it suddenly dawned on Hawkeye that not saying goodbye to BJ was the least of his concerns. He'd dreamed of this moment for the longest time, not ever thinking that it would be this way. His mother had long since died, and that was hard, but this was his father. His father! The wordsmith general, teller of all things funny, and even not so funny, the healer of all wounds. For once Hawkeye was at a loss for words, not that anyone was around to share his thoughts with.

It was the laughter, definitely the laughter that he'd miss the most. Not that he'd gotten through the shock stage, but it occurred to Hawkeye that he'd never again hear or read one of his father's jokes that had never failed to nearly bring him to tears with laughter. Now when he thought of his father, there were tears all right, just not of the joy that Daniel Pierce had brought him throughout the years.

Boy there were so many years to choose from...the years after his mom died, when his dad so bravely refused to take a day off work to tend to his patients. The way his dad would get exasperated with him for trying to sneak a different girl in his room almost every weekend night during the formulative teen years. The sight of his dad trying to be brave and not shed a tear as he sent his only child off to war. But it would be the unmet moments that Hawkeye would miss the most.

Never would Hawkeye get the joy of seeing his father dance with his son's bride at the wedding that may or may never occur. Never would he get the joy of watching his father announce the birth of his first grandchild. Never would he get to watch Daniel bounce baby Danny on his knee, delighting in the small squeals that only a youngster could make.

Hawkeye was a brave man himself, but for the first time in his life, or at least that he could recall, he sat down and cried, bawled really, but he cried, for the void in his life was that unbearable.

0000

"How do you think he's doing?" Potter asked as BJ sat down beside him in the mess hall.

"I don't know, to tell you the truth. I've seen him hold his own during times of crises, and there were times I wasn't sure how he'd pull through. This is a tough call, Colonel, and it's not one I'm sure I want to make."

Potter nodded solemnly. That visit with Pierce was one of the hardest he'd ever had during his stint in the army. He'd come to not only respect Hawkeye, but he'd sure come to appreciate him, if not love him as if he were own.

"Do you think we should call?" Margaret asked as she took her place at the table.

"Do you think it would do any good?" Potter asked, somewhat rhetorically.

No one had the answers. No one knew what was best for Hawkeye Pierce, and if they didn't know what to do, how would they expect him to know what to do next?


End file.
